my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
