I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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