Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
