The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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