dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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