any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
