Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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