Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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