Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
