I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize