I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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