dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
