u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
