So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
