you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
