I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
