Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
