We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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