I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
