it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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