...so i touched it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
