so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
