Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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