Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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