I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
