She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
