I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
