you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
