I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
