My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
