Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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