I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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