Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
