I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So much rum. So many feels.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
