Pants 0. Shit 1.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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