okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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