I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
