so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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