1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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