i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Holy sore nipples Batman
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
