why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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