You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
