Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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