Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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