we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
