my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
