im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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