just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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