there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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