this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
