I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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