Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
