Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
