At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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