As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
