I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
