I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I could make wine with my vomit
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
