I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
