Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
