she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
