Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
