haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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