He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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