i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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