omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
