before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
