I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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