he wants to bone in the snuggie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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