Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
