Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
