your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just google imaged poop.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
